poem

Grieving

/ Ebonrune / Leave a comment

Someone come and hold my hand
Help me to understand
How this could happen to me
You were here and now you’re gone
How am I to carry on?
It may be selfish but don’t you see?
How helpless this has made me?

All I know right now is pain
My heart sundered in twain
Please come back to me
Come back so I can see
How your smile would light your face
Feel the love in your embrace

How can you be gone when you were here?
My heart is filled with fear
You were never meant to leave
How I wish that it were me
But then you’d be the one in pain
Your heart sundered in twain

The tears they just won’t stop
Like hands ticking on a clock
Oh please come back to me
Even just in my dreams
Please come back to me

Hate Me

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You think that you hate me
And that might be true
But nobody hates me
More than I do

No one more
Wants my pain
No one else
Piles on more blame

No one else
Makes me bleed
No one more
Has that need

So you might hate me
That much is true
But you’ll never hate me
As much as I do

I Rise For Love

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I am in the path of an avalanche.

Pebbles graze me, cut my psyche and make me feel weak and dizzy.

Rocks hit me, knock me back, knock me down. Leaving holes I don’t think I can fill.

Boulders knock me down. They lie me flat and break me, my body in splinters though no one can see.

I look at my skin and I want to make it imperfect like my soul. Bring the cuts to the surface. Show everyone my brokenness.

I resist, not for strength or love of self, but because I am too tired to make the effort.
How I would like to close my eyes. Sink into nothing and never rise again. I awake for love. Not of my self, but of those who love me.

Every day when the demon in my head hurls boulders and tries to make me give up, I rise for love.

I am exhausted. The sun shines so seldom in my world, but for a few hours every day I am loved and the demon is quiet.

I will lose one day when all who love me are gone, but for now I rise for love.

I am so tired, but for them I will do anything. Even fight the demon who would destroy me.

I rise for love.

Undertow

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The water’s getting deeper
It’s a struggle just to breathe
I wish someone would save me

I need a reason to believe

The current’s getting stronger

It’s pulling me below

Down to the darkness in me

Trapped by the undertow

I’m not strong enough to fight it

But I don’t know if I should try

They’ll do just fine without me
It’s better just to die

Drowning

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Help me I’m drowning
I can’t cry for help
You think that I’m swimming
But there’s water in my lungs

I’m sinking in myself
You have no idea
But I can’t blame you for that
When I’ve tried so hard to hide

Help me now I’m drowning
I wish someone could see
I’m frightened and I’m alone
But maybe I deserve to be this way

I don’t want to be a bother
So I’ll smile and I’ll pretend
All the while inside I’m drowning
I think I will be until I’m dead

Jumbled

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Depression whispers lies in my ear
Telling me all the things that I fear
I don’t want to listen, don’t want to hear
But my depression knows
All that I hold dear

‘They don’t love you’
‘They’re not your friends’
‘You’ll be all alone in the end’
‘You are worthless’
‘Be ashamed’

How do I cease the voice inside
Telling me to run and hide
To shut myself from those I love
To hang from the ceiling
Or escape in drug

Tell me what I can do
Why can’t I feel loved like others do
Why does depression kick in my door
Convince me
I’m not loved anymore

I have to fight it, I know I can
But no one can help me
I’ll only drive them away
My depression
Is going to win one day